


Separation

by curtainmp3



Series: ThiccmasYUNBIN [1]
Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, M/M, angst for christmas, merry thiccmas, yunbin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-09-05 16:38:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16814431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curtainmp3/pseuds/curtainmp3
Summary: He died and he couldn't move on





	Separation

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Perpisahan by Anuar Zain (go listen on youtube) 
> 
> week 1 of #ThiccmasYUNBIN

Silence, a word that Hanbin despises so much.

If you ask Hanbin 6 months ago if he likes silence or not, he will gladly answer yes. Silence triggers his brain to work, sparks all the ideas to flood in and prompts him in finishing all his work. He did enjoy being in a complete stillness.

“You should go home, Hanbin. Staying in the studio, trying to paint won’t help you anything.” JInhwan speaks up one day.

“I’m okay, here. I love silence.”

He can hear Jinhwan snorts at his answer. He ignores the older and continue staring at the blank canvas, trying to memory the face he misses the most but no matter how hard he try, he can’t remember the face. He remembers his scent but never the face.

Since 6 months ago, he stops going back to place where they used to call it their home. The constant splitting headache he got whenever he enter the space stops him. He misses the fragile figure that he promised to protect since college but his attitude ruined everything for them

“Jinhwan…..”

The latter just hummed as the sign he is listening.

“No matter how hard I try, I can’t remember his face. When I got back, I will get fragmented flashbacks and got splitting headache as result.”

“Let him go, Hanbin. Make peace with yourself, stop blaming yourself for everything that happened. He’s gone for real.”

Usually, he will ignore Jinhwan’s words but today, the words stab sharply into his heart. Hanbin quickly put his things in his black bag, his cherished Prada bag that he bought for him when he celebrated his 22 years old birthday.

“If I didn’t contact you after three days, do give me a favour and look for me at my apartment.” He told Jinhwan before going out and the latter just nod at him.

“Be careful and remember, make peace with yourself!”

Hanbin slowly jogs his way home. He stopped driving after the accident. He always blame himself for losing the person he loved the most. He always blaming himself, thinking what he called his selfish and trashy personality is the cause of the death.

It only takes 15 minutes walking distance to reach the apartment. Unit 7, level 15. Their small apartment, the scent is still familiar, the place where he used to call home. It is still warm as if he is still there. He misses the view where when he came home, he was there at the kitchen, cooking while still wearing his office attire. He misses the constant nagging from him when he skips his meal because his painting engrossed him so much. He misses his sad glistening eyes the most and even how hard he tries so hard to lie, he misses him.

He walks slowly from the front door to the bedroom. The bedroom that they shared for years, the warmth is still lingering faintly, the stuffs are still nicely arranged. It is just his habit, to arrange everything accordingly. Their wardrobe is still in the same way before he left. Segregated by colours and types. The pants are nicely folded, there is no dirty laundry. He looks at the bed briefly. There are dust but nothing changed. It has been months since he steps inside the room. His splitting headache comes in urge but he needs to forgive and forget about everything in order to move on.

War flashbacks happen. He feels like he goes to the last day of him seeing the figure he loves the most.

_“Eat your breakfast before you go to the studio.”_

“Can you just stop nagging, for fuck sake. I’m tired with the constant nagging. I’m your boyfriend not your baby who can’t even think for himself.”

_“Because you are my damn boyfriend, I am worried for you. Look at yourself, thin and very disorganised. Like what was the last time you even sleep properly?”_

The old Hanbin slammed the door loudly and current Hanbin could see the sadness from his face, standing in front of the table with untouched meal that he cooked for him. Current Hanbin sees he threw away the meal before cleaning up the kitchen, his habit that Hanbin knows very well. Current Hanbin sees how he walked to the bedroom in tardy. He sees he took out an envelope with a passport. He sees the content of the envelope. It is an offer for him to go to London, to continue his dream, his lifetime dream but old Hanbin was nonchalant.

Current Hanbin could see how he clenched to the offer letter tightly.

_“Could Hanbin take care of himself when I’m gone for 2 years?”_

_“I couldn’t even say this to him, what even leaving him behind alone?”_

Current Hanbin suddenly realized that he actually didn’t go to the office at the flashback. He sees him took the letter and walked in hurry, leaving the apartment. He tries to follow but he couldn’t. The flashbacks don’t work anymore.

He quickly rings Bobby.

“I remember everything now. Yunhyeong never went to his office. He met the accident not when he was on his way to work. He met the accident because he was in hurry to see me. The trashy me who was so rude to him. Since the beginning, I never appreciate him. I never say I love him. I think he will always beside me because he only have me. I never realized I am the selfish asshole until today. He died because he wanted to see me to tell me about his dream that arrived in feast for him. He died without having chance to tell me what he feel. He died, with thoughts that I don’t love him at all. I am such an asshole, Bobby.” Hanbin screamed with hoarse voice, unstable and weak.

It doesn’t take long for Bobby to arrive at the apartment with Jinhwan. The view of Hanbin curls himself on the floor hugging the photograph of them both is painful to see. Jinhwan quickly hugs Hanbin.

“The accident is never your fault. God has plan and his plan for Yunhyeong doesn’t inlude you. Stop blaming yourself, Kim Hanbin.”

Hanbin knows he would never forgive himself. Not when Yunhyeong, the person he loves so much actually died never heard “I Love You” from him sincerely.


End file.
